To my best friend: thanks for participating in this one and agreeing to be my subject. This one's for you.
At 5 p.m., an accumulation of dark, gray clouds replaced the clear afternoon skies in just a matter of hours. The somber outdoor setting managed to bring more anxiety into my weary head, but I couldn’t help but stare at it in intrigue. My eyes stayed fixated at the fluorescently lit streetlights and mahogany-bricked bungalows positioned against the dreary, shadowy backdrop. There was nothing else for me to do but to stare off into the distance and await his arrival. I remained still and alone in his room. In my solitude, questions began to plague my mind. Why didn’t he ask me to join him and his uncle at dinner? Why couldn’t he reschedule the dinner knowing that we already made plans? Why was it taking him so long to say he loved me? We were nearing the two-year mark of our relationship and there was still a lack of emotional development on his end. Was there something wrong with me? Before I could compose myself, I heard the door unlock. I quickly wiped away the tears that began to flow down my cheeks and pretended to scroll through my phone distractedly. “Hey,” he greeted me with a kiss. “Hi,” I softly replied. He seated himself next to me on his bed and held me close to his chest in a welcoming embrace. The scent of his favourite clean-linen cologne that I always appreciated lingered on his black knitted sweater and soft skin. I started to cry. I couldn’t ignore the heavy feeling in my chest any longer. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Things between us just haven’t been feeling right lately,” I hesitated. The room filled with silence as he took a moment to respond, pondering at what I said. “You’re right, and it isn’t fair to you. I just can’t give you the answers you want to hear. I’m sorry–you deserve better.” The moment those words left his mouth, I knew the fate of our relationship. He was right in saying that I deserved better and as much as it hurt, I had to let him go. We mutually agreed to end our relationship. I called myself an Uber, laying down on his now disheveled bed sheets with my back against his. Once the notification appeared on my phone, I briskly gathered my belongings, heading out the door as he trailed behind me. Before I could pull the handle of the navy blue Hyundai Elantra, he gently tugged at the hood of my oversized sweater with an apologetic expression planted on his face. “I love you,” he whispered. My eyes widened in astonishment. Without giving much thought, I kissed him on the cheek, partially in response to his sudden confession, but mostly to bid him goodbye. I then entered the backseat of the car in silence. As the driver began her route toward my apartment, I looked back at his house and at him for the last time. He did the same, retreating to his house once I was no longer within close reach. I was better off not knowing his reasoning behind the last minute “I love you.” It was time for me to move forward on my own.
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my mind is like soil
planted with seeds of endless potential i nourish it every day with water to give it life for it is a garden- a garden of growth - P.M to love yourself is to love
every curve on your body and every mark on your skin even on the days when they choose not to because at the end of the day you're still learning to choose yourself - P.M i looked up at the night sky
hoping to see that familiar shine amongst a bed of flickering stars but i couldn't find one that resembled your smile wherever you are, just give me a sign - P.M thoughts of you still linger
just as your scent does on the surface of my skin if only they had evaporated and left with your whole body i wouldn't have to relive them ever again but somehow, they always find a way to resurface - P.M dainty but fragile all at once
i am surrounded by gloom but i dare not let it control me for it is my inner light that shines through even the flimsiest of flowers can still bloom in the dark - P.M he left everything behind
to be one with the angels he felt like it was his time to spread his wings for flight they begged for him to stay to live and fight his inner demons but he slipped through the cracks his fate being to watch from above his new home was like a haven his answer to eternal peace as those who still mourned for him longed to find their own from below - P.M you came into my life
like a bolt of lightning completely aware of my vulnerability, losses, and fears but even that wasn't enough to keep you away from me i wanted to resist your advances i wanted to rely on no other but you stayed and i grew to love you the you who became my sanctuary the you who became my calm before and after the storm - P.M the bitterest pill to swallow
is not the act of losing those you once loved and cared for but it is having lost yourself and having lost your light in the process - P.M i yearn to be like water
fluid but in thought and in movement cohesive with my personal bonds cleansed from all unwanted harm and essential to every soul i touch to every soul that lives - P.M |
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