Recently, I stumbled upon a quote on Instagram I deeply resonated with. What it essentially read is that you should be giving up the idolization and attachment to the "you" in the past—the "you" that existed before inevitable painful life experiences obstructed your perception of yourself—and to embrace the "you" that has adapted and reshaped itself in the present. It prompted readers to stop themselves from returning to the person that they were before pain overtook their spirit.
The quote made me reflect on my own past traumatic experiences—it made me realize how many of us generally tend to keep ourselves "stuck" in the traumas of our past. In my perspective, those close to me would probably describe me as the type of person who takes the wrongdoings and misjudgments that others have exuded towards me to the very core. There will be moments when I'm losing sleep because I end up thinking about the times that certain people have wronged me—from their words to their actions—and especially the emotional and mental toll they had on me as a whole. One could call this a mere case of "sensitivity" or that I simply have difficulty with the art of letting go, but I'd like to think of it more as being drained at the reality of the same sort of pain having repeat itself countless times again. To whoever's reading this, I know you must be thinking something along the lines of, "Why should that matter?" or "It's in the past, so leave it there" and, to an extent, you're absolutely correct. But I feel like it's in our nature as human beings to reflect on the people, events, and moments that have changed our perceptions and made a major impact in our lives whether they be good or bad; it's in our nature to subconsciously play different scenarios in our heads with varying outcomes and think to ourselves, "What if that one thing never happened?"; it's in our nature to wish that we were never misunderstood or mistreated; it's in our nature to be able to forgive someone while not being able to forgive what they've done; it's in our nature to reach a point in our lives when we wish we could return to a time before we even knew what pain was or felt like; it's in our nature to look back at the past with regret and have difficulty with accepting what is. What we need to accept moving forward is that trauma is nearly impossible to avoid and that pain, though inevitable, will come and eventually go in waves; but that's only if we allow ourselves to go through certain measures to heal. In this case, it means not investing our time and energy on things we have no control over or on the things that should have been left in the past the moment that they happened. By doing the opposite, we are only jeopardizing our mental state and prolonging the healing process. If we can spend countless hours in the day on social media lurking the most irrelevant people, then we can get up, go outside, and smell the flowers. What we should swing our focus on instead are the little things that bring us joy—if it means going out on a grocery run, do it. If it means binge-watching your favourite series on Netflix, do it. If it means doing something spontaneous like skydiving or mountain climbing, do it. If it means experimenting with recipes and cleaning out your pantry, do it. If it means going on a social media cleanse and taking a break from people or life itself, do it. The possibilities that can aid in our healing and transformation are endless. We can most definitely get to where we want to be mentally and create the best versions of ourselves, but we must learn to accept the traumas of our past and adapt to the changes that they bring in the present first. Though it's a work in progress that will inescapably be full of trials and tribulations, it starts and ends with us. - P.M
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